Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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