It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
