She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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