Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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