I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
