I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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