while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
