Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
