you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
