Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
