Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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