as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
