i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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