I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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