You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
