Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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