Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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