You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
