glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
