so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
