When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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