i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
