Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
