it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
