And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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