i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
