I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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