she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
