How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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