It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
