i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
