omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
