you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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