If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
