So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize