You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
