I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
