Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
