pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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