I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
