As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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