Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
