The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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