im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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