He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
