you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
