I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
