Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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