do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
