Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
