I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
