I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
