His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
