I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize