he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
