Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
