So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
