do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
