what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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