I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
