if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
