she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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