Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
