I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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