I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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