'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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