Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She bit a glass in half.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Boobs speak an international language.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
