just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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