Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
