Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
