I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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