I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize