apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
