Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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