i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
